1) Smiling whilst performing hard labor for beating your girlfriend is generally considered bad form.
2) Felons convicted of assault aren't ideal candidates for wielding a machete.
3) Employing the services of a private bodyguard seems like overkill when police have it covered.
4) Brown is using his third-wheel bodyguard to promote the T-shirts he's been twittering about. The T-shirt should be on Chris's body...NO VIOLENCE
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